In about 35 minutes it is my birthday. Well, at least I think it is. Hah. Thats a little joke folks. Seriously though, pretty sure it is my birthday and it would seem that I am about the only one who remembers.
I knew that my mother wouldn't either remember - or more likely wouldn't care. My brother, I doubt he remembers. My sister-in-law, well I don't think she ever knew my birthday. Not sure about my other sis-in-law (hubby's sister) She knows, I think, but maybe it slipped her mind.
The rest of them, my husband, daughter and son who live with me and my other daughter who lives across the country, well they seem to have forgotten.
Actually, I sort of hope that they did. I mean really what is the big deal about a birthday after all? It just happens to be the day you entered this world, a day that to the majority of the world at the time thought that it was just another day. Its not a big deal when you really put it all into perspective. when you consider that 6 billion other people in the world were also born on a day.
What is a birthday? Just a place card marking the day that you became "alive." Unless you are highly valued by someone, this really is not a big deal.
So I start to ask myself why I am so obsessed with the fact that no one seems to remember my birthday. Shouldn't I be the one I am most concerned with when it comes to remembering my birthday? Aside from the obvious - just knowing that my memory is intact, at least in this respect is a big deal, but its more of an anniversary of sorts. It means that another year as past and what did I do differently this past year to any other year in my life. Well, everything....and nothing really. Its an odd day and an odd feeling.
Other than today being that place card in time, I wonder what I will do with myself and my life that will make it different than any other year.
I spent the morning looking on Groupon for classes in various things. A few caught my eye: Introductory to medical coding, painting, drawing, ceramics, landscaping, interior decorating....
I would like to learn something new this 58th year of my life.
I am coming to the sad realization that there are not many people on this earth who value me to the point of wanting to celebrate my entrance on earth, so I need to find something else to fulfill me.
Mike is as distanced from me as he was before our getaway 2 weeks ago. Usually, these getaways (few and far between that they are) tend to pump energy into our relationship. It helps to revitalize our love and commitment to each other, but this go 'round it seemed to fall flat. All he really wanted to do was sleep.
I can't dwell on it anymore. He loves me, maybe not IN love with me anymore, but it is what it is and I can't change it. I can only change myself. So I will be thinking and meditating on this for the next couple of days and see where it takes me.
Wish me luck.
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